The Dot

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.

She was reluctant to call on little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But, eventually, his turn came....

Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class and, with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well, the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
"It's a period," reported Johnny.

"Well, I can see that," she said, "but what's so exciting about a period?"

"Damned if I know", said Johnny, "but, this morning, my sister said she missed one. Then Dad had a heart attack, Mom feinted, and the man next door shot himself!"

Elderly Couple

An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it might be time for marriage. But before tying the knot, they went out for a heart to heart talk over dinner about whether it would really work out.

They discussed finances, living arrangements, snoring, and so on. Finally, the gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly. "Well," she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say that I would like it infrequently."

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment.

Then looking over his glasses, he casually asked,
"Was that one word or two?"