Ghetto Spellin' Bee

Leroy is a 20 year-old 5th grader. This is Leroy's homework assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence.

1. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody.

2. Dictate - My girlfriend say my dictate good.

3. Catacomb - I saw Don King at da fight the other night. Man, somebody get that catacomb.
4. Foreclose - If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose.

5. Rectum - I had two Cadillac's, but my bitch rectum both.

6. Disappointment - My parole officer tol' me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint.

7. Penis - I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis.

8. Israel - Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "man, it look fake." He say, "Bullshit, that watch israel."

9. Undermine - There's a fine lookin' ho living in the apartment undermine.

10. Acoustic - When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to the poolhall.
11. Iraq - When we got to the poolhall, I tol' my uncle iraq, you break.

12. Stain - My mother-in-law stopped by and I axed her, "Do you plan on stain for dinner?"
13. Fortify - I axed this ho on da street, "how much?" She say "fortify."

14. Income - I just got in bed wif da ho and income my wife.

Further ing your education with Today's Ebonic word:

Today's word is: "OMELETTE" Let us use it in a sentence.

"I should pop yo ass fo what you jus did, but omelette dis one slide."

Welfare Office

A guy walks in2 the local welfare office, marches straight up 2 the Counter & says, Hi... u know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter says, "ur timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard 4 his nymphomaniac daughter. u'll have 2 drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of ur clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will b provided. u'll b expected 2 escort her on her overseas holiday trips. u will have 2 satisfy her sexual urges."u'll have a 2-bedroom loft in Manhattan & the starting salary is $200K a year." The guy says, "u're bullshittin' me!" The social worker says, "Yeah, well, u started it." =))

El Vaquero

El Vaquero (The Mexican Cowboy) and his Chihuahua, Chilito, are Camping in the desert. He sets up their tent and both are soon asleep. Some hours later, El Vaquero wakes his faithful friend. "Chilito, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Chilito replies, "I see millions of stars, señor."

"What does that tell you?" asks El Vaquero.

Chilito ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me There are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Chronologically, it appears to be approximately quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful, and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you, senor?"

El Vaquero is silent for a moment, and then says, "Chilito, you Moron, Someone has stolen our tent."

Psychiatric Hotline

Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.

If you are phobic, don't press anything.

If you are anal retentive, please hold.